We’ve done it again chaps with another fantastic Captain’s Weekend this year at East Sussex National. 24 of us made our way from Essex to Sussex utilising a variety of routes depending upon SatNav settings. We took in the Kent leg of the national cyclists championship having had to nearly stand the car on two wheels to take the right turn we were offered onto a B road littered with them.
It was like a car journey of our youth so we listened to Argus by Wishbone Ash to get us into the spirit of adventure though I must confess my parents never had such musical offerings preferring Sing Something Simple or letters home from the Forces in Cyprus or Germany – do these shows still exist? – or Desmond Carrington who has only just left us.
We still arrived in good time, blowing free just like a cornfield, to sit down to a reasonably priced breakfast – unlike the chips (more on that later) – and gifts from the Capt and his Vice. Us in the Capt’s team got the pink Calloway football ball – a sound choice as we played like girls and got hammered – whilst the Vice got yellow and black – sort of Man City away.
Some of us were confused. The email advising the various comps had got tongues wagging and to quote Jimmy Cricket “there was more” unadvertised stuff. JR rightly pointed out that if you didn’t win anything you must be s*** and we were, some of us really really s%%% poor!
Breakfast was broken by the sight of an attractive woman making her way to the tee. Her partners tee shot was unattractive. Reverse pivot announced Adrian with some authority – God we are good diagnosing problems in others from 500 yards but struggling with our own from 3 yards. Why in our group we had a selection of suicide notes, anguished cries and wide selection of choice language and that was just me yet I still offered a tip to a playing partner before my stretch of blobs. How dare you Sir!
Last year at Princes blobs were the order of the day and the course was hard so this year it couldn’t be so bad. Ah no – we cruised our way round to 164 over the two days with wide fairways and less savage rough than we saw last year.
On Sunday I was lucky to complete Geoff Allan’s card and despite its 37 points he was in turmoil near the end and certainly after the tee shot on 18. His first six holes were amazing, really Throwing down the Sword, and at one point the computer was predicting mid to high 40’s which wasn’t a surprise to PB who predicted in the car a winner out of Dave George, Geoff or John Hammond. As they say The King Will Come and two shots will stay in the memory. A wood on the 10th from the right hand side of the fairway a long way back. It fizzed over the water with a “slight” cut as is Geoff’s want to the back of the green and then again on 18 from a horrible place in the bottom on the right by the trees. Chris was suggesting an easy chip out and the baffler 150 club but no Geoff picks out the wood and bends it round and through the back of the green. What a Warrior!
For those who haven’t experienced a “Round with Allan” its an experience. In an attempt to deal with his left arm over problem Geoffrey Boycott developed an open stance to give himself more of a chance. Our Geoff takes open stance to nearly closed pointing somewhere near to 48 minutes to the hour before launching a massively powerful strike that has a massive fade on it. On 18 on the East he hit one straight and by golly it went miles and miles.
I think we all enjoyed the West Course though I know some liked the East better but many of us were finding things tricky and feared a mention in the evening round up when talking of the booby. Thankfully Aidan proved a popular winner and wore the pinny adorned with breasts in such good spirits that we were surprised not to see it on the tee next morning.
Emmo featured heavily during the prize giving picking up both nearest the pins and Chris won the guest prize for a disciplined innings after the unsettling situation of hitting a wrong ball on the first.
We also had a team prize which due to the two winners on the day we picked up with Phil and I contributing a little though he offered more than I. This all followed the fries incident where a bill of £5 was presented for a small additional bowl. Ours was a big bowl and probably cost £10. Oh dear , how sad, never mind! Geoff was hungry after his efforts!
We then retired to the balcony and discussions with the staff to get a drink after they attempted to shut down the bar. We could see the Vice on the opposite balcony either doing “mirror mirror on the wall” or making his contribution to Babestation but it couldn’t have been that otherwise Malc would have been interested. Well Time Was when he would have been!
In the morning there was talk of the South African opener Smutts over breakfast and he had missed Carol’s dress on Breakfast telly. We were getting worried he was unwell – or is it the grandparent in him coming to the fore?
We were allowed out early on the East and Terry led the charge driving the buggy but they didn’t get far as there were some incredibly short tee shots first up. Water then beckoned to a narrow green. A tough start after the night before and little sleep. But there again we were playing for The Hangover Cup kindly donated by our Captain and one we all immediately wanted to win.
Money is also a feature of the round on day 2 with everyone sticking a fiver in the pot to be distributed amongst the top 3. The East is longer and has tricky greens according to the starter but produced marginally better scores than the previous day. I had another series of lousy holes but found a ball printed JB – COYS during a lengthy search in leaf and stream (sic) and thought that has to be the Vice – and it was!
Behind us we had a group on fire at the back in their own little Sometime World (oh come on cut me some slack I had all the other titles in – ed). Gil was cutting the mustard with 36 points which proved good enough for the inaugural Hangover Cup and guest Sue put up a stunning 38 points to take the money. With Steve finishing third behind Emmo there was only one place the team prize was going – played best 2 from the first 6, best 3 from the second and all on the last 6.
On stroke index 1 we all got 3 points to record 12 but threw it away afterwards! JR snatched the booby which is without prize bar the 2.2 shots he got back – wow!
There were also additional prizes for the best par 3 and par 5 scores over the weekend donated by JB for which we thank him and an emotional close from our Captain who had thoroughly enjoyed his weekend. We then sprinted for the exit to hit the tunnel before rush hour but the Kent/Sussex constabulary had another idea before we hit the A12 detours – but those are tales for another occassion!
Handicaps are updated as is the Top 5 scores and there is another post with group photos to view below.
GOATS 